This weekend I visited The European Fine Art Fair, popularly known as TEFAF at the Park Avenue Armory in New York. I’ll be writing more about it in detail through future posts. The fair draws a unique crowd of collectors and connoisseurs, and as I walked around the fair I overheard a number of humorous remarks that seemed to typify some of the more caricature-like individuals who tend to be in attendance.
Here are a few of my favorites. And mind you, all of these are real:
A dealer welcoming a collector to their booth: “Welcome to the nineteenth century!” (followed by a kiss on each cheek)
A collector attempting to learn a price:“You don’t have to tell me what you sold it for… but what was the asking price? Please?”
A French-tinted voice reflecting on a price: “of course $283,000 is a little high, no?” (The dealer agreed and then laughed.)
A collector complaining about a European gallery owner to his assistant: “He skipped out on me last time I was in Switzerland.” This was greeted with a quizzical stare from the assistant and elicited the reply “That’s an American expression, darling… it means he avoided me…”
A dealer explaining technique: “You see, he worked with a very fine brush and it took a great skill not to… fuck it up.”
An annoyed assistant in a heated conversation with her gallery owner: “Do you even know what time it is in Zurich!?”
A visitor asking about an assistant’s background:“How did you get into the gallery business? Did you study art history?” The assistant chuckled and replied “No, no, my father owns the gallery...”
A dealer highlighting a trend in the market: “The 50’s are sooo done...it’s all about Gerhard Richter now!”
An impassioned dealer on the phone: “Listen, I feel like you’re misinterpreting the word ‘carpet’...”
A gallery owner offering an alternative: “Oh, I’ve got a little Napoleon over here I think you’ll love!”
A mildly pushy sales assistant to an individual who revealed themself to be a curator: “Well, we’re definitely looking to place this in an American museum so I guess I’m talking to the right person…”
One guest to another at the exit: “Everything kind of felt like a let down after those mosaics.”
A guest to a sales assistant while examining a potential purchase: “Well the one the Met has is much smaller than this, that is true.”
A dealer summing it up to a guest: “We’re just like the rest of you. Sometimes after a day at the gallery I go home and have a beer in the shower...”
